When I first started this TF journey, I was constantly thinking when will J and I finally be together in a relationship.
Then I was 17 and was happy even at that glimpse of the moment when I caught my eye with my TF.
Every time I would leave my house, I would be thinking about seeing him somewhere outside perhaps.
I was looking for that short high feeling he would give me- that warm, fulfilling and loving feeling…
For a long time I had a perception that I have to be around my TF to experience those wonderful feelings.
So I was desperate to see him to have my short encounter of Heaven.
Life separated us from our platonic relationships and I went to college to different cities.
You can change your place of residence, but your heart knows how home feels.
And home was always my twin flame, so I followed that good feeling- that feeling of home.
I experienced lots of hardships, I lived on so many different places, I tried so many things.
Then when I was around 26, I spoke to my psychologists about this love of mine.
I finally got the courage to text him. First I wanted to text him a blank message without any content just to catch his eye.
However that would be cowardice, so I asked him some questions abut his college.
He replied. We texted a bit. I texted him few times more.
Then I texted his cousin about our conversation and she revealed to me that he was in a relationship and that he currently lives with his girlfriend.
I was devastated not knowing the fact that men´s and women´s views on cohabitation differ.
Men see it as a relationship testing, whereas women see it as a step towards marriage.
For some time, I was distracted with my college and work, but he, my tf, was always somewhere in my thoughts.
Every morning, I would wake up with thought of him and he would be my last thought before sleep.
He was always my idea about love, love of unconditional kind.
Little did I know that I was looking for God´s love in my TF all the time.
Have I found it?