My big epiphany in the beginning of this twin flame journey was becoming aware that God is at the very center of it.
Only grasping that concept was not enough, I had to in fact, initiate contact with God and it was same as awkward as doing it with my twin flame.
Most of the time I was only initiating contact with my tf and thus neglected God.
I realised that the first relationship I was looking for all the time is the one with God.
Although I wanted to establish a relationship with my Creator and since I am his child, I somehow didn´t know where to start.
Most logical was to begin with prayer- but was I doing it right?
All these years I have been praying to God from my mind´s space, but now I started to include my heart in it too.
The mirror exercise which I have been practicing since April starts with connecting to your heart and that made me realise that I should start my prayer with going in that space first.
I also read in one spiritual book (from Paramahansa Yogananda) that we should see God as a person just like we are and not identify him with some vague omnipresent term.
So one night when I could not feel my feelings, I poured my soul to God and told him how disconnected I felt.
I told him I had some difficulties in my life because of which I numbed out my feelings and that it would be great if I felt some connection to myself (and to him).
I also stared journaling my thoughts and cried a bit because I felt he was really listening to me like my friend would.
When I feel unhappy, it is mostly because I don´t feel connected to God.
Hence, I thought I feel bad because I was not in contact with my tf.
I read in one article that God also has emotions and that we can connect affectionately with him.
That was a-ha moment for me because I noticed God can help me with my lack of good emotions and that my tf was not responsible for how I felt.
Next step was to start reading Bible so I downloaded an app which reminds me how much I read from it.
I started from the book of Genesis- I especially love the part when God is speaking of creating the world and of course the first couple.
One of my favourite stories is the one of God putting Adam and Eve into union.
I liked it how Adam had to discover and serve his purpose and then Eve was brought to him.
It somehow resembles story of me and my tf as God brought me to the high school which my tf attended.
I also invite God in my present life- I invite him to share company with me throughout the day. I imagine God is sitting next to me in the current moment- when I am applying my make up, when I am reading, working, having a lunch and basically every-time.
It is fun to have such a friend, he even helped me to write this 🙂